Kongos in Lawndale
by SidQuin
Summary: Unsui and Agon transfer to Lawndale during their senior year. Will Jane be Unsui's first girlfriend? Will Agon manage to bang the entire cheer squad? Will the fashion club cure Agon's chronic tackiness? Will Daria be able stand anyone involved?
1. Chapter 1

_Cause why the fuck not._

* * *

The bell rang, officially beginning yet another boring school year at Lawndale High. Mr. O'Neil's senior class, however, was experiencing a slight change of pace as two new faces stood in front of the board.

"Class, I am excited to announce that we have two new students joining our student body!" Mr. O'Neil informed, his wispy voice barely suppressing his excitement, "And they've transferred here all the way from the land of the rising sun!"

"Woooah, Arizona?!" responded Kevin enthusiastically.

"Famous for its rich history of ninjutsu-practicing cattle hands," Daria added dryly as Jane eyed one of the transfer students flirtatiously.

Mr. O'Neil sighed, "Actually, Kevin, the land of the rising sun is Japan. Anyways, I imagine that moving to a new country can be a very overwhelming experience, you're feeling a whirlwind of different emotions: excitement, anxiety, homesickness…"

"Topped off by a flood of tedium," Daria mused as Mr. O'Neil continued on about the importance of self-esteem, understanding, and various other feel-good buzzwords.

"…and that's why self-actualization is the most important goal of all…Oh my! I seem to have gotten a little off track, heh. Anyways, class, I'd like you to meet…" Mr. O'Neil stared down at his attendance sheet a little longer than was probably appropriate, "Yoon-soo-ee and Aah-john Kongo."

"It's pronounced Unsui and Agon," corrected the transfer student with the shaved head. The two young men appeared to be twins; both were about 5'10 with the musculature of serious athletes. Yet, despite their identical builds, their styles couldn't have been more different. One was dressed as plainly as possible; his bare scalp, plain black t-shirt, and crisp blue jeans gave him a minimalist look that made Daria look downright chic. The other twin, as if to compensate for his brother, had a getup more suited for a music video than a high school. His salon-bleached hair, Oakley sunglasses, Jordan basketball shoes, and designer jeans likely cost more than what Mr. O'Neil made in an entire week.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Mr. O'Neil responded sheepishly, "Well, anyways, Unsui and Agon, why don't you share with us a little bit about yourselves."

The plain twin nodded, "I'm Unsui. My brother, Agon, and I transferred here to play football."

"Yeah, football!" "Go Lawndale!" Chimed Kevin and Brittany respectively.

Unsui stared blankly at the two teens, not sure whether to be appreciative of their support or amazed by how vacuous their comments were.

Agon, lacking such consideration, sneered in Japanese, "The blonde must've traded in her brain for extra boob."

Glaring at his brother from the corner of his eye, Unsui regained his composure and finished his introduction with, "Agon says he looks forward to the rest of the school year." The two new students then proceeded to take their seats behind Daria and Jane.

As Mr. O'Neil wrote the day's lesson on the board, Jane turned around and whispered to Unsui, "So what did your brother _really_ say?"

* * *

"Alright, CLASS, this quarter, we will be studying World War 2," Mr. DeMartino announced in his usual near-shout, "Can ANY of you sorry EXCUSES for seniors tell me what major event CATAPULTED us into World War 2? Kevin!"

"Catapult…" Kevin tapped his chin as thoughtfully as could, "Catapults are those thingies that they used for fighting like a million year ago, right? I saw it on TV! It was really cool how they threw those flaming bodies at the castles!"

"Eew, Kevie!" reacted Brittany as Kevin flashed her a moronic grin.

Mr. DeMartino pinched the bridge of his nose as he mumbled something that sounded like _remember what the doctor said_. Taking a deep breath, the beleaguered instructor continued, "Unsui! Please tell me at least ONE of our respective nation's youth can be bothered to remember a war that took SIXTY MILLION LIVES."

Unsui remained surprisingly composed for a guy getting screamed at on his first day of school, "The attack on Pearl Harbor was America's reason for entering WW2."

This answer was evidently good enough as Mr. DeMartino managed to simmer down from his usual rage, "Thank you, Mr. Kongo. I wonder if the ability of an OVERSEAS student to answer a simple history question speaks to the SUPERIORITY of the Japanese educational system or THE COMPLETE DEGENERATION OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE SINCE WORLD WAR 2." Well, nevermind.

"Maybe if you gave the wrong answer the other eye would've started bulging, too," Jane mused as Unsui looked on in concern for his history teacher.

* * *

"Did your parents get the pigskin channel recently?" asked Daria sarcastically as the two friends waited in line for lunch.

"What?"

"Your sudden interest in the latest pighead," the bespectacled girl clarified as the slurps from the football team's milk-chugging contest could be heard in the background.

"Well, you know me, can never get enough pork," Jane quipped back as she grabbed a plate of blue jello, "What can I say? I think he's cute."

"I guess if you find the bald look cute, you must find the cancer ward downright adorable."

"I promise we won't get too serious if it turns out he's terminal," Jane smiled as she paid for her lunch. As the two sat down at their usual lunch table, Mac and the aforementioned "pighead" approached them.

"Can we eat with you guys?" Mac asked, lunch tray in hand. Unsui appeared to be holding a Japanese-style boxed lunch. Jane nodded as Unsui took a seat beside her while Mac took a seat next to Daria.

"Not in the mood to see dairy product shoot out various orifices?" observed Daria as one of the Js began to cough up milk while the rest of the team declared Kevin the "Chug King".

"I wanted to prove to Unsui that not everyone at Lawndale High has an IQ in the single digits," Mac sighed as the chants of "Chug King" grew louder, "Unsui, this is Daria and Jane, they're pretty cool. I think they're in most of our classes this semester, too."

"Only all the _skippable_ ones," Daria added, noting that the non-bald twin was curiously absent. Jane glared at her.

Looking equal parts embarrassed and exasperated, Unsui replied, "Sorry, about my brother. I'll try to keep him out of trouble for the team's sake, Mac."

"As long as he doesn't set off the bomb-sniffing dogs, I doubt Miss Lee will care," Jane joked, trying to coax a smile out of the new student.

"Yeah, thank goodness she doesn't fret about the small stuff; you know, like making sure her students actually get an education…"

"Daria!" interjected Jane, annoyed at her friend's especially anti-social behavior at that moment.

Surprisingly, rather than being turned off by the expressionless girl, Unsui gave a small smile, "It's just like at our old school. Though I don't believe Coach Sendoda ever outright bribed a student into joining Shinryuuji."

"Wait, Ms. Li bribed you guys to transfer here?" Mac reacted, eyes wide with shock.

"Well, she told us it was a $10,000 sports scholarship, but considering that public schools are free here…" Unsui reasoned.

"That would explain the lack of metal detectors last semester," Jane began.

"And the increase in full-body cavity searches," Daria finished.


	2. Chapter 2

Later that day…

"So Jane's got a guy she's interested in?" Tom inquired as he reached for a slice of pepperoni pizza.

"And he's a football player," Daria added flatly.

"Does she also plan on going out for pep squad?"

"Not yet, anyways." Daria's tone lacked its usual drollness.

"I was just joking, Daria," Tom reassured, surprised by the worry on Daria's face.

"It's just that it's not the first time she's liked a jock. Last time, she kind of took it too far and it didn't end well."

"So should we prepare an intervention for when she starts wearing her hair in pigtails and wielding pom-poms?" Tom quipped, causing Daria to roll her eyes.

As if on cue, Jane walked through the door of the pizza place with her latest love interest following close by.

"And this is the local pizza place. The epicenter of many a teenage happenings, however frivolous or idiotic," Jane described, her tone reminiscent of a safari tour guide. Spotting Daria and Tom in their usual booth, Jane waved as she approached the two.

"Hey there, young Thomas. This is Unsui," Jane gestured toward the man standing behind her.

Tom nodded, "Hi, it's nice to meet you, Unsui. You can just call me Tom."

"Nice to meet you, Tom."

"I was going to show Unsui all the interesting places in town, then I remembered where we live so I settled for here instead." Jane and Unsui exchanged amused looks.

Noticing Daria's unimpressed expression, Tom interjected before his girlfriend could say something snide, "So Unsui, what was your old school like?"

Unsui paused to consider how to even begin describing Shinryuuji, "…It's pretty different from Lawndale."

Jane, however, was a bit more forward, "It was an all-boy, Buddhist boarding school! How crazy is that?"

"Nothing encapsulates the humility and nonviolence of Buddhism like putting on expensive protective gear and ramming into one another," Daria deadpanned.

Unsui continued, unfazed by her remark, "Shinryuuji is actually pretty well-known for its sports programs. Parents of athlete sons tend to want an environment without—" Unsui's explanation was cut off by the sound of Kevin and Brittany arguing in the next booth over.

"JUST WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH ANGIE BEHIND THE DUMPSTER?!"

"Baaaaabe, I swear we were just…uh…Well, we weren't making out!"

As their bickering continued on in the background, Unsui completed his previous statement, "…distractions."

"Particularly, of the bouncy variety," Jane finished.

* * *

"I can't believe your parents let you and your brother move to another country your senior year," said Jane as she finished a sketch in her notebook. A quick glance at her latest page of doodles revealed a Picasso-esque caricature of Unsui and Agon. She had invited herself over to the Kongo apartment after walking the bald QB home from the Pizza King, curious about the young man's living arrangements.

"My dad's been anticipating my brother's pro-football career since 9th grade," Unsui replied dryly, "So you can imagine why he'd want someone to look after Agon while he's here."

Jane smiled, "I guess I can relate, with my parents gone ¾ of the year, it's usually my job to make sure Trent doesn't fall into a coma. Speaking of which, where is the bottle blonde wonder?"

Unsui exhaled in a way that felt both worn out and routine, "At a party, trying to pick up a girl, most likely."

"You know, Unsui," smirked Jane, "I'm beginning to think you and Daria have more in common than you two realize."


End file.
